i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
