I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
