Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think your dad took our porno
be right there i have to get my cape
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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