Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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