walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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