drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
