There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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