Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
