i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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