You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
