god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm really into asian looking animals
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my being single is dangerous.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
