Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
