In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You dont lie about slip and slides
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
