is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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