Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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