They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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