I hate all girls vehemently.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
