I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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