the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
