Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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