I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
