I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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