oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
