Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
