i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
