Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
