This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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