she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
