if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
