Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
