Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
