I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
