I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
