Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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