I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
