Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
