I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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