I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
