Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
