both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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