actually, I'm a sock model
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
