Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
