What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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