Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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