Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
