You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
