ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
