awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
