He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
