To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
