Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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