everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
