yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
