I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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