Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
