I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
