I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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