my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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