can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
