Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
