Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
