I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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