he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
