Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
whose parrot is this?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
