i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
