i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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