i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
