Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize