Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
