I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
