Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
