i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
