We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
