remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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