P.S. I can't hear my feet
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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