i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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