Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize