how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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